How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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