..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
