he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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