drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
