Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
