She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
