about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
