I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
