i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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