She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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