pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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