You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
