I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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