Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
