i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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