Your face is a jimmy john
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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