sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
