is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
