Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
