I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
