a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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