My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
