k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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