Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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