I must be too annoying 4 u.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
