I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
