after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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