coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
