Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well I just put wine in my tea
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
