So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
