I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
