Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
