I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
