One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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