Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
