so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
