and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
