just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
