Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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