I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
