Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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