Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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