whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
