I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
