I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
