I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
