Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
