He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
