I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
