Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am spending my child support on dildos
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
