Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
